Dr. Phil aka Triggity Heart-in

I guess being an HR Manager makes me somewhat of a counselor.  At least that's how some people at my work see me.  I also consider myself a very easy person to talk to (if I ever shut up).  For the last month,  I have had a co-worker and a close friend (both males) come to me with their break up and divorce issues.  I won't mention any names to protect the innocent and heart broken, but it definitely got me thinking to the point where I decided to blog about it - Break ups: from a woman's perspective.

*My co-worker will probably never read this, but my friend might and I hope this soaks in a little...and if it doesn't, he is still welcome to keep calling me and texting me about it till the pain is over ;) 

Break ups suck.  I feel like I am almost a professional at them at this stage in my life. I've been through several.  I have broken guy's hearts and had my heart broken several times.  Some were easy to get over and some were devastating.  I thought the pain would never go away.  But amazingly, it did, and it does.  Every time; without failure. 


I seem to be a Dr. Phil for most of my guy friends/acquaintances, which I love by the way.  It's odd...when I talk to my guy friends/co-workers about their break ups/separation.  They come off as great actors in public.  They can completely act like everything is okay and it has no affect on them.  But once you get them really talking, its obvious - men take break ups just as hard, if not harder than women.  They just refuse to admit it.


Everybody has got their own way of dealing with a break up.  I have had friends go into a depression, wont leave the house, miss work, eat pints of ice cream, cry all day, call their ex, text him, beg for him back, stalk him on facebook, drive by his house....you know - the usual :)  I've also had friends that can amazingly say eff it and realize it wasn't meant to be and move on (my sister is one of those, which still amazes me).  Me personally:  I abide by the out of sight, out of mind motto....at least for a few months after the break up.  That doesn't mean I don't cry and eat ice cream...it just means I don't have any contact with them.


 There's a reason why they say "FALL" in love.  When you "fall" in love and break up, 3 things can happen:

1- It can be a minor fall, you get up, brush it off and go along your way. 

2 - You fall hard, get seriously "injured," bleed a little, nurse the wound the way it should be, and it heals.  The healing period takes some time, depending on how hard the fall was.  Sometimes it leaves a scar.  But scars are a part of the healing process and in the end, scars make pretty cool stories :)  

3 - Or....you fall really hard, get injured, bleed badly, nurse it a little and get what I refer to as a "love scab." And then instead of leaving it alone, you "pick at it."  And when I say pick at it, I mean-  you try to go back, you keep making contact, you keep opening a wound that is trying to heal.  The body heals itself over time.  But if you pick at a wound, it will bleed, again and again and take twice as long to heal.  Leave it alone if you want it to heal. 

One of my favorite movies, which hardly anyone has seen,  is called Love & Sex (circa 2000).  I highly suggest finding this movie and watching it.  They use to play it on HBO all the time.  The whole point of this movie is the impact timing has on love.  Timing is everything.  If two people are not on the same page in life, it just doesn't work.  That along with so many other factors.  If the person you are with does not share your major core values in life - whether it be religion, marriage, work ethic, children, etc. it just doesn't work. 

I've seen a friend go through it.  She tried so hard to make it work with someone, who in the back of her mind, knew it would never work with.  I won't go into great detail about it, because I have done it too, but what should have been a deal breaker, became a subconscious challenge to fix in her mind.  Love should not be a challenge.  Love should not be exhausting.  But unfortunately, love blinds you, it overtakes your other senses, your ability to reason or to think straight, or to listen to that gut feeling/intuition telling you this isn't right and to leave. But that intuition is there for a reason.  It's the body's way of protecting you... from danger and from being hurt.  I've learned to listen to mine...because it's right 99% of the time.



One more thing before I go:
You can be a great person, she/he can be a great person, but sometimes 2 great people aren't great together.  


- Dr. Triggity